As Jack's birth draws nearer, I am finding myself having so many mixed emotions. I'm sure they are all normal, but I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat lately.
I remember when I was pregnant with Luke, and I started feeling really sad that the days of just Greg and me were coming to an end. I was mourning that phase of our relationship. Now, I am getting sad that the days of just Greg, Luke and me are coming to an end. I almost feel guilty sometimes that I am about to put Luke through such a huge life change. I know that Greg and I never desired for him to be an only child, but it's still a little sad. On Tuesday, Greg went to work as usual. All of a sudden, I just started crying thinking about how this is my last week of being home with just Luke. I have treasured this last 20 months of watching his every little move and developmental milestone. What fun it has been! So, this week, I am trying to really treasure every moment with him. We have laughed, laughed, laughed these last couple of days just playing and being silly. No matter how much it kills me physically, I don't want to look back and wish I would have done more with him the last week. So, we're playing...hard! Yesterday, he was exhausted by 11:00 when his normal naptime is 1:00. I have rocked him a little longer, kissed him a little more (if that's possible!), read "one more book" with him and sung "one more song" to him. In fact, yesterday, I was singing "You are my Sunshine" to him...he loves that song. In the middle of it, I just started sobbing and couldn't even make it through it. Sweet Luke didn't know what to think. He just looked at me intently for a minute, then he started getting a little teary-eyed himself. He's so perceptive and sensitive. He'll make a great husband one day.
I know that once Jack comes, I won't be able to imagine it any differently. Also, I know that Jack is going to enhance all three of our lives immensely. But, for now, these emotions are driving me to treasure my oldest little boy and make the most of my time with him. Laundry, cleaning, even preparing the nursery can wait, but precious TIME with him is invaluable and is definitely my priority right now.
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2 comments:
I completely understand how you feel. I think you're smart to live it up with Luke this week! I was really emotional about the addition of a new baby to our family. Even though I was SO happy, there were some big changes in Jonah's life. And of course you want to protect the older sibling from any heartache it might bring them for a little while. Although I wanted to, I couldn't control how that change went for him exactly or how long the transition took. I had to just go with it. Emotions and all. But I know the Lord will be so sweet to you during the time following Jack's birth, just as He is doing this week in giving you awareness of these precious moments with just Luke. And you will be amazed at how your heart can be so full already and then absolutely full again with love for TWO children. It's a sweet miracle.
Every time my bloglist updates and I see you've posted something, I have to look immediately to see if you've gone into labor! I'm in suspense. =)
Girl, I'm having similar feelings and we're only at 30 weeks! - about how Anna's life will drastically change - but deep down, I know it's for good and like you said, I feel like after a few weeks of having 2 kids, it will be hard to imagine just having one. Praying for you!
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